Drivers, Ex-Girlfriends and Trained Assassins – Welcome to NASCAR 2015

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by Ryan Isley

Last May, NASCAR driver Kurt Busch did the Indianapolis/Charlotte double. For the rest of his life, he may be doing a double take every time he looks over his shoulder.

Busch appeared in court this week and testified that ex-girlfriend Patricia Driscoll is a trained assassin. No, really. And no, this past Tuesday was not April 1. I checked the calendar. Twice.

A trained assassin. Kurt Busch claims his ex-girlfriend is a trained assassin. Let that sink in for a moment.

Busch said that Driscoll claimed to be an assassin who took on missions in South America, Central America and Africa. Busch even claims that Driscoll left one night in camouflage gear and then later returned wearing a bloody evening gown covered by a trench coat. Busch said that he didn’t initially believe Driscoll when she told him that she was a mercenary who killed people for a living but that she showed him pictures of bodies with gunshot wounds.

Driscoll has refuted Busch’s accusations – of course she would, I mean how could you admit to that – and said that Busch took the story directly from a movie script she has been writing and that Busch has read.

This story has turned out crazier than any episode of Snapped, Criminal Minds, or CSI put together. Dick Wolf has to be watching this unfold thinking “Even Law & Order never got this crazy.” Janet Evanovich might even have to name her next Stephanie Plum novel “Trained Twenty-Two” and add Driscoll as a character.

Three thoughts:

  • Driscoll is telling the truth and it is from a movie script.
  • Busch has an alcohol and anger problem as Driscoll is claiming in her statement released on Wednesday.
  • Driscoll really is a trained assassin.

As for the first one, this shouldn’t be difficult to prove if it is true. If Driscoll did indeed write a script for a movie, there would be different versions and drafts that can easily be turned in for evidence. The documents should all be time and date stamped, which would allow everyone to see when they were originated.

If the second is true and Busch has an alcohol and anger issue, he needs to get help. This is something that NASCAR will help him with – or mandate the help – if there is evidence of a problem.

The third one is the most intriguing by far and there things that point to the possibility of the trained assassin story.

One of the organizations that Driscoll heads up is Frontline Defense Systems. The website for Frontline states that Driscoll spent the majority of her career in the narcotics and intelligence world. Frontline claims to be a “customized services company specifically designed to support the U.S. Govt. and commercial companies engaged in the Global War on Terror.”  They specialize in surveillance, tactical equipment, logistics & armor and more. So basically it is a company that would be investigated on an episode of NCIS.

Can you imagine if Driscoll really is a trained assassin, something that Busch thought was “cool” when he found out?

If Busch is willing to reveal the story about her coming home in a gown that was bloodied, what else does he know? Are there stories that are even better? How do you sleep when the person you are in a relationship with is a trained killer? When Driscoll calls Busch, is the ringtone “Enter Sandman” by Metallica?

These are questions we need answered. And with the way this drama is unfolding, we may get the answers to these questions – and many more we haven’t even thought of yet. Who knows where the next twist and turn will take us.

Maybe Driscoll knows the secrets behind Area 51. Perhaps she is the one who pulled the trigger and killed Osama bin Laden. She might even know who was in the grassy knoll.  At this point, what wouldn’t you believe?

All I know is that if the 2015 NASCAR season on the track is anything like it has been off the track so far, buckle your seatbelts because we are in for one hell of a ride. Especially if that ride is to get away from Patricia Driscoll.

Comments? Questions? You can leave them here or email Ryan at ryan.isley@morethanafan.net. You can also connect with him on Twitter @isley23.