Sometimes I think too much. This is not a surprise to anyone who knows me on a personal level. I analyze things, I weigh my options, I plan out most of if not all of my day in order to keep things balanced and as an effort to do as much as possible with my day… my week… my month… my life.
Being wired to process things that way is usually a blessing – it helps me maintain a high level of efficiency and stay productive to degrees that even surprise me, at times. One of the down sides to this “wiring” is that I can think too much about things and my mind gets overwhelmed with things or ideas before I even start the said project, task, article, etc. That’s the dilemma I seem to have found myself in the past few months. Not being at the track, not being consumed by the thing I love and instead, allowing myself to be distracted by things and people that, in the end, didn’t necessarily deserve my attention or precious time in the first place, have left me feeling unsteady on my feet and have consequently left my fingers feeling unsteady on the keyboard.
Worrying about what others think, how they’ll perceive me, realizing that I actually have readers and that my thoughts are being read, processed and received by fans and other members of the racing family… can be kind of intimidating. I never expected that. I am not one to feel intimidated by others. I am not one to feel scared or have fear about how someone might interpret me, my opinions, my written word. But then again, up until a year or so ago, I didn’t realize how much this whole writing thing really meant to me – it was always just something I was good at, something I was complimented on, something I had a “gift” for (or so I was told over and over). Combining my natural ability of writing and my lifelong love of racing made so much sense and yet… never really occurred to me until I was approached by More Than a Fan and invited to put my thoughts out there in a professional and yet, still personal, manner.
Maybe that’s where I lost focus. I started to feel this need to write a certain kind of article, I felt that there were expectations on me and my pieces that honestly, were probably only in my own mind. I have loved writing about racing because I have always been able to put my own twist on it – giving the facts and information, but from a different perspective than the stark black-and-white informative articles. I love those kinds of articles and I respect the heck out of the writers that put them out there for all of us. But, I also know that I am not one of them. My writing has always been infused with a thread of emotion, a personal touch or angle – I want my writing to come across the page in the way that I would come across to you in person. I like when I hear, “I love your writing. I can HEAR you saying those things!” or, “You write the same way you talk… I really like that.” That feedback sticks with me and reminds me why I do this and why I am where I am with my writing.
I have always been true to myself in every facet of life and I promise to remain that way. The authenticity of my writing is noticed, it’s appreciated, and it’s not going anywhere. You have my word on that.
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