“Brutal, but brilliant.”

Over my lunch break, Facebook reminded me of how far I’ve come as a person… and it brought all kinds of thoughts to the forefront of my mind. Here are a few of them…

It’s incredible how much life can change in the span of 9 years. I don’t even know the girl that wrote this. I hate that I was imprisoned in her mind and body, even if only for 3 years.

During those years, she was so unhappy – letting a shitty job define her life and shitty guys define her worth. She is gone now. I fought that bitch like hell, and as soon as my situational blindness ended I was able to see that only I was capable of changing my life, defining my own (boundless) limits, and making the realization (with a little help from Eleanor Roosevelt) that I was the only one who determined my worth… and let me tell you, life got really freakin’ amazing from there…

I found myself.
The real me.

I started to appreciate the small things, I walked out of that shitty job with zero regret (best decision of my life), found a career I ADORE, started working with a sports med team that makes me aspire to greatness on the daily while also looking to me for direction and assistance (gotta love balance and equality in the workplace), I’ve honed in to my passions that light my soul on fire, I cherish & appreciate every second of every day no matter where I am or what I’m doing, and my life is now full of solid and meaningful relationships with friends and family.

I don’t feel the need to hide my emotions, nor do I feel the need to force relationships (whether romantic or platonic) with people that are not nearly as invested as I am or as I’m trying to be, and I work every day on letting the right people in, in different capacities, because I never want to stop growing as a person.

I refuse to feel stifled in my own existence like this girl was. Never again. I will continue to live life full throttle, and fight like hell against anyone or anything that threatens that, whether within or without.

Looking back at that post from 9 years ago, it saddens me to realize that I missed out on living a good chunk of my life over those 3 years… at least to my own standards. At the same time, I had to experience all of that in order to appreciate life. That seems to be a recurring theme in many chapters of my journey.

The one line above that continues to nag me is where “she” wrote that reality is boring and day-to-day life is monotonous. Please. That girl just needed to wake the hell up and get out of her own way. And she did.

Reality is what you make of it and I was stuck in a hell of a rut back then. Life lesson here: if you don’t like your reality… change it.

I did.

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